When Steadiness Becomes StubborNness

Remember when I wrote about steadiness winning over agility? Here's what steady doesn't look like: white-knuckling through change. 

There's a pattern that emerges when leaders face unexpected transitions. Maybe it's a merger that shifts their influence. A new leader who brings their own people. Shifts in strategy that sideline their expertise. No matter the catalyst, the response is often the same: denial wrapped in nobility.

They bottle that frustration, and that frustration finds other ways to creep out. Battles with peer departments that used to be partnerships, hours spent building cases about why decisions are wrong instead of making them work, sharp comments in meetings that used to be collaborative, a sudden obsession with minutiae they haven't cared about in years, the list goes on.

Whether leaders show frustration directly or think they're maintaining composure while creating sideways chaos, the impact is the same. Departments become less collaborative, resources get harder to secure, and the team's work gets caught in a crossfire they don't understand. The folks impacted are not witnessing leadership strength. They're witnessing a trust-eroding performance with every forced interaction. 

Denial Wrapped in Nobility

Somewhere along the way, we convinced leaders that acknowledging difficulty equals weakness. That saying "this transition is hard for me" means they're not executive material (especially if that executive is a woman…but that’s a post for another day :)

Instead, they do a dance, mistaking rigidity for the steadiness their teams need. The irony is, the energy spent maintaining this façade could've been used to navigate the change.

What Real Strength Looks Like

The strongest leaders I know can use this phrase, or a variation thereof: "I'm struggling with this transition and I'm getting help to work through it."

Not to everyone. Not in an all-hands. But to a trusted advisor, an external coach, their own leader, or even a member of their team, when appropriate.

When leaders can’t use that phrase, frustration becomes everyone's problem. And that "protection" they thought they were providing becomes the very thing that destabilizes everyone. 

The steady hand becomes the clenched fist.

For Organizations Watching This Play Out

When a leader is struggling with a transition, pretending it's not happening doesn't make it go away. Create the space for honest conversation and normalize transition support. Make it easier for leaders to raise their hand than to white-knuckle through.

Steady leadership isn't about never struggling. It's about handling struggles without making them everyone else's problem. It's knowing when to hold the line and when to ask for reinforcements.

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For executives navigating difficult transitions who recognize themselves in this post: let's talk. I help leaders process organizational changes without letting the frustration cascade to their teams. Because the strongest thing anyone can do is acknowledge when they need support - before their team pays the price.